Is chivalry dead?

And if it is, should it be mourned? Or is it a concept that is old and outdated?

This is based on a meme that I shared on Facebook:

Being a gentleman isn't sexist. It's being courteous. I was raised to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, it's not as common as when I was growing up.

I was raised to hold the door open for people, men and women; to say "Excuse me" when walking past someone or maybe brushing against them in passing...or even if you want to get their attention. To offer my seat to women, older people or someone who is carrying something...again it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman.

And as far as dating, I was raised to pay for the date...especially the first date and any date that I initiate. If I'm invited out and the woman wants to pay, that's a different situation. But I'll still hold the door, help her on and off with her coat, pull out her chair, help her up from the table or out of the car. Do I do this because I feel that I'm in some way superior? Not really, at least not directly but I think it's a partial response to the genetic and societal roles that men play as provider and protector. We are generally physically larger and stronger and we want to protect those that we care about...our spouses, our children, our friends and our family.

 Here is an excerpt from an article on the subject of chivalry:

Chivalry is grounded in a fundamental reality that defines the relationship between the sexes, she explains. Given that most men are physically stronger than most women, men can overpower women at any time to get what they want. Gentlemen developed symbolic practices to communicate to women that they would not inflict harm upon them and would even protect them against harm. The tacit assumption that men would risk their lives to protect women only underscores how valued women are—how elevated their status is—under the system of chivalry.

Women's liberation was necessary to enable women to break out of what I consider to be bondage in many ways...limited career choices, limited educational opportunities and the huge pay deficiencies for doing the same job. But I feel in some ways that the backlash against chivalry in particular has all but eliminated common courtesy in general.

And from the comments I've seen for similar memes, many people miss common courtesy, which I think is the basis for chivalry.

Many of us think of chivalry in terms of the Knights of the Round Table, which is indeed where the idea of chivalry began but it has evolved over the centuries to be more of what we used to call common courtesy.

Another excerpt from the same article:

Historically, the chivalry ideal and the practices that it gave rise to were never about putting women down, as Connelly and other feminists argue. Chivalry, as a social idea, was about respecting and aggrandizing women, and recognizing that their attention was worth seeking, competing for, and holding. If there is a victim of "benevolent sexism," it is not the career-oriented single college-aged feminist. Rather, it is unconstrained masculinity. 

Also:

"We should have a clear notion of what chivalry is," argues Pier Massimo Forni, an award-winning professor of Italian literature and the founder of the Civility Institute at Johns Hopkins. "It was a form of preferential treatment that men once accorded to women generations ago, inspired by the sense that there was something special about women, that they deserve added respect, and that not doing so was uncouth, cowardly and essentially despicable."

Chivalry arose as a response to the violence and barbarism of the Middle Ages. It cautioned men to temper their aggression, deploying it only in appropriate circumstances—like to protect the physically weak and defenseless members of society. As the author and self-described "equity feminist" Christina Hoff Sommers tells me in an interview, "Masculinity with morality and civility is a very powerful force for good. But masculinity without these virtues is dangerous—even lethal."

Men often take the easy way out and if women don't act like ladies, men are less likely to act like gentlemen:

Bennett and her fellow chivalry advocates have the right idea. "If women give up on chivalry, it will be gone," Sommers tells me. "If boys can get away with being boorish, they will, happily. Women will pay the price."

But as the meme above points out, it's up to those of us who were raised as gentlemen to continue doing so, even if the women don't reciprocate by being a lady, or even if they don't appreciate it. But if women encourage their men to be gentlemen by acting like ladies and expecting to be treated as such, chivalry can be revitalized more easily.

Interesting days

Today - Belly Laugh Day, Talk Like A Grizzled Prospector Day, Beer Can Appreciation Day and Peanut Butter Day

Tomorrow - A Room Of One's Own Day, Opposite Day and Irish Coffee Day

Next Tuesday - Gorilla Suit Day, Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart With Art Day

February 24 - World Bartender Day and Tortilla Chip Day