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Men's Rules for Happiness
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to
think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither
do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.
Interesting days
Today - Happy New Year! https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/bloody-mary-day/ Which seems appropriate!
Tomorrow - After you eat your cream puff(s), it'd probably be a good idea to see your personal trainer
Next Thursday - https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/show-tell-day-at-work-day/ I got fired the last time I did that
February - https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/hot-breakfast-month/ Yum!
February 1 - https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/working-naked-day/ Hmmmm...I'm sensing a trend developing. It's also https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/car-insurance-day/
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