Introversion as an Excuse

Today's post is from The Art of Manliness:

America has long been described as an extroverted country, a society that celebrates and rewards the enthusiastic, the outgoing, the sociable — those with a charming personality and a knack for glad-handing. We’re a people who judge our politicians by their penchant for public speaking, and keep Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People perennially in print. The big man on campus, the life of the party, is the individual with status. In contrast, introverts have often been viewed a bit suspiciously — as nerdy, weird, aloof, and perhaps even inferior.

But in the last several years, these once common currents of thought have been undergoing a silent sea change. While the extrovert remains the ideal culturally, on the individual level, seemingly more and more people are identifying themselves — quite proudly — as introverts.

But what does it really mean to be in introvert or extrovert?

Extroverts tend to find gratification outside of themselves. They are more gregarious, sociable, assertive, outgoing, and talkative. They enjoy company, working on teams, and interacting in large groups. They’re more impulsive and more comfortable with risk, conflict, and making quick decisions. Extroverts are more sensitive to rewards, crave greater stimulation, and enjoy multi-tasking.

Introverts tend to find gratification within themselves. They are more serious, quieter, less sociable, and enjoy spending time by themselves. They dislike conflict and are more reflective, reserved, and cautious — they like to make decisions with deliberation and think before they speak. Introverts are less sensitive to rewards, have less of an appetite for stimulation, and prefer to focus on one thing at a time. 

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you're probably aware that I like writing about personality types. One of the most popular tests for determining personalty types is the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). You can take a long, multi-faceted test to get very accurate results. Or you can take this four question test and get fairly reasonable results. You can find out more about your type here...I'm an Analytical Thinker. There's even a compatibility chart to see if you're compatible with another personality type. 

The AoM article then goes on to list some myths about introverts and extroverts:

Myth #1: Introverts don’t enjoy social events.
Myth #2: Introverts are always shy and awkward (and extroverts are always socially comfortable).
Myth #3: Introverts need intimacy and relationships less than extroverts do
Myth #4: Introverts can skip small talk because they hate it.
Myth #5: Socializing doesn’t feel like effort to extroverts.

The article concludes by saying - Don't let introversion be an excuse:

Understanding the true nature of introversion is a valuable way for introverts to know and accept themselves (and for extroverts to understand their peers), and to figure out how to honor their special qualities and utilize their potential to create a fulfilling life for themselves.

Unfortunately, because of the prevalence of the above myths, introversion is sometimes co-opted by both misguided extroverts and actual introverts to excuse passivity, anxiety, and simple laziness in regards to their social life.

Introverts who feel shy or socially awkward may not work to address these issues, deciding it’s “just the way I am.” Or they may decide that any socializing, even in small, infrequent doses, simply isn’t for them.

Extroverts who feel shy or socially awkward may conclude that this means that they’re actually introverts (and that introverts can’t change these traits). Or they may decide that they’re introverts because socializing doesn’t feel completely effortless.

Both groups can be missing out on relationships that would lead to a happier and more fulfilling life.

This is obviously true of extroverts who don’t recognize themselves as such; by resigning themselves to a life of introversion and deciding the only social interaction they need is with their significant other, they miss out on the energy-charging stimulation that would come from participating in big social events and large social networks, and lead them to feeling fully alive.

But it’s also true for introverts who similarly feel that only hanging out with their significant other (or no one at all) serves as sufficient fulfillment of their social needs. While they don’t require a wide network of pals, adding just 1-2 close friends to their small circle of intimacy could greatly enrich their lives.

Given that we’re all a mixture of introverted and extroverted traits (not to mention that we all tend to act more or less introverted/extroverted depending on the particular situation), that at least half of our disposition is not innate but rather shaped by our environment, and that we all feel happier interacting with our fellow humans, and all yet get tired by the effort which that takes, we should perhaps accept that the two types of personalities are not as wildly different as today it’s often thought. Whether introvert or extrovert, we all need others to find a meaningful and flourishing life, and we find those others by setting aside excuses, putting ourselves out there a bit more, and refusing to mistake universal inertia for personal disposition.

So, take a minute to take the quiz and share your personality type in the comments!

Interesting days

Today - Juneteenth, Sauntering Day, Garfield The Cat Day, Cherry Tart Day, World Sickle Cell Awareness Day and Martini Day

Tomorrow - Ice Cream Soda Day, American Eagle Day, World Productivity Day, World Refugee Day, Vanilla Milkshake Day and Kouign Amann Day

Next Tuesday - Beautician’s Day, Canoe Day and Chocolate Pudding Day

July 19 - Daiquiri Day and Ice Cream Day