Why Your First Impression Matters & How to Improve It

Today's blog post is based on a podcast from The Art of Manliness:

Whether we like it or not, first impressions matter. A good or bad first impression can mean the difference between landing the job or getting a polite rejection email; getting a first date or getting ghosted via text.

Given the stakes involved, do you know what kind of first impression you make?

My guest today is a psychologist who specializes in the science of first impressions and has written the most useful and thorough book on the topic that I’ve come across. Her name is Ann Demarais and her book is First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. Today on the show, Ann explains how quickly we make a first impression and the psychological biases that influence how people judge you (and how you judge others).

We then dig into what you should focus on during a first interaction to give a good impression and the behaviors you may think come off as neutral or positive but actually read in a negative way. For example, you may think you’re giving off a relaxed vibe during a social interaction, but others might see you as aloof. Ann explains how to find these blind spots in your self-awareness and what to do about them.

We end our conversation by going through some actionable tips to become more charismatic, like how to keep a conversation going when your first meet someone, how to show interest in someone without looking creepy, and the common mistakes men make with their first impressions. And if you happen to blow your first impression, Ann shares how to recover.

Here are the highlights from the program:

• Ann’s response to the criticism “You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover” 
• The errors we make in our own first impressions of people 
• How quickly are first impressions formed?
• The expressions and attributes that we think are positive, but are actually read as negative
• The ways in which we can actively create a positive mood in our environment 
• The 4 social mindsets – 3 that derail you and 1 that leads to success
• The 4 social gifts that you can give people in any interaction
• How to appear more approachable and accessible 
• Asking open-ended vs. close-ended questions 
• What to talk about when you first meet someone 
• Why it’s okay to talk about mundane things 
• How much to self-disclose in conversation
• Elements of a first impression that aren’t so obvious
• Common mistakes that men make in their first impressions 
• How different situations might be helped by different approaches
• Is it possible to recover from a bad first impression?

Interesting days

Today - Mother Ocean Day, Golf Day, Stay Up All Night Night, World Lupus Day and One Day Without Shoes Day

Tomorrow - Eat What You Want Day, World Ego Awareness Day and Twilight Zone Day

Week long celebrations:

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

Next Monday - Work From Home Day, International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, Pinot Grigio Day, Neurofibromatosis Awareness Day, World Baking Day, World Telecommunications Day, World Hypertension Day and Pack Rat Day

Week long celebrations:

May 16 - May 29: Heritage Breeds Week

June 10 - Iced Tea Day, Jerky Day, Ball Point Pen Day and Farm Workers Day

Week long celebrations:

Jun 10 - Jun 17: Love your Burial Ground Week

How to Keep Your Edge as You Get Older

Since my 65th birthday is coming up tomorrow, this podcast from The Art of Manliness seems pretty timely:

It’s a common life trajectory for men: graduate college, get married, get a 9 to 5 job, have some kids, settle down in the suburbs. And somewhere along that way, they start to get a little soft and stagnant. They let themselves go, becoming less active, and more sedentary. They have more material possessions but fewer hobbies and interests. They lose their edge.

My guest has spent his life battling against this loss. In his more than five decades on earth, he’s served in the French navy, trained soldiers in close quarter combat, skydiving, long-range weapon shooting, first aid, and explosives, set a deep water scuba diving record, and studied multiple martial arts, and he currently owns a gym, teaches as a MovNat Master Instructor, and coaches men over forty in how to live better, stronger, and more vibrant lives. His name is Vic Verdier and today on the show he shares his advice on how a man can stay fit and engaged with life as he gets older. We first discuss Vic’s background before getting into why it’s important for men to seek physical achievement and become physical polymaths, and the role strength training, cardio, and working on your balance plays in that pursuit. Vic then shares his advice on keeping the pounds down and your testosterone up as you age, and why he thinks training in combatives is important on both a practical and psychological level. We talk about the importance of maintaining a connection to nature and keeping your possessions minimal, before ending our conversation with why it’s important to stay comfortable with being uncomfortable, and how men can continue to seek adventure and exploration, even when they live in the suburbs.

Here are the highlights from the program:

• How being paralyzed for a time helped Vic turn his life around 
• Why does Vic focus his work on men over 40?
• The value of being a physical fitness polymath 
• The strength training methodology Vic recommends 
• Why cardio is overrated 
• Eating well as you age 
• Why men should know how to fight 
• The benefits of maintaining your connection with nature 
• Why a minimalist approach to life improves your health 
• Why you need to be comfortable being uncomfortable 
• What should a man do if he’s feeling stagnant in life?

Interesting days

Today - Nail Day, International Midwives’ Day, Hoagie Day, Revenge of the Fifth, Hug A Shed And Take A Selfie, World Maths Day, School Nurse Day and Cartoonists’ Day

Tomorrow - No Diet Day, Password Day, Beverage Day and No Homework Day

Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week  

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

Next Wednesday - Receptionists’ Day, Limerick Day, Fibromyalgia Awareness Day, Root Canal Appreciation Day, Odometer Day, Nutty Fudge Day, Donate A Day’s Wages To Charity Day, Third Shift Workers’ Day and International Nurses Day

Week long celebrations:

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

June 5 - Sausage Roll Day, Coworking Day, Trails Day, HIV Long-Term Survivors Day, Moonshine Day, Hot Air Balloon Day and World Environment Day

The Best Tools for Personal Change

Today's blog post is based on a podcast from The Art of Manliness:

There’s no shortage of information out there on how to change — how to lose weight, exercise more, curb your anger, quit smoking, and every other kind of habit someone might want to pick up or drop.

But despite this avalanche of information, you’re probably struggling to change just as much as you ever did.

What you need is an actual strategy — to identify what particular barrier is keeping you from a particular goal, and a specific solution to that specific roadblock.

My guest is well-positioned to help you cut through the voluminous noise around personal change and hone in on both sides of this equation. Her name is Katy Milkman, and she’s a Wharton professor who’s spent her career studying behavioral economics and the author of How to Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. On the show today, Katy and I walk through common reasons people aren’t successful in changing, and the best, research-backed tools for turning uphill battles into downhill ones. We discuss the ideal times to begin a new habit and the power of fresh starts, how to get motivated to tackle something when there are more pleasurable things you’d rather be doing, how to use commitment devices to stay the course, why giving advice to someone else can help you take that advice yourself, and the crucial importance of surrounding yourself with peers who are better — but not too much better — than you are.

Here are the highlights from the program:

• How and why Katy made the switch from engineering to behavior change
• What makes behavior change so hard?
• What keeps us from getting started?
• Using our life’s chapter breaks to be more motivated to change
• What’s the risk of using these fresh start moments?
• The underrated power of fun when pursuing your goals 
• Using temptation bundling to get stuff done 
• What’s a commitment device? When is a good time to use it?
• Forming a plan so that you won’t forget it 
• Why you should consider starting an advice club 
• The power of our social groups to affect our behavior 
• Figuring out which tactics to use in your own life

Be sure to checkout the podcast.

Interesting days

Today -  Star Wars Day, 45 Day, Teacher Appreciation Day, K.I.N.D. Day, Candied Orange Peel Day, Renewal Day, Poem on Your Pillow Day, Petite And Proud Day, Asthma Day and Firefighters’ Day

Tomorrow - Nail Day, International Midwives’ Day, Hoagie Day, Revenge of the Fifth, Hug A Shed And Take A Selfie, World Maths Day, School Nurse Day and Cartoonists’ Day

Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week

Next Wednesday - Eat What You Want Day, World Ego Awareness Day and Twilight Zone Day

Week long celebrations:

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

June 4 - Hug Your Cat Day, Doughnut Day, Corgi Day, Cheese Day, Cognac Day, Fish and Chip Day, Old Maid’s Day and Tailors Day

What is Your Circadian Rhythm, and Why is it Important?

Today's blog post is based on a blog post by Dr. Michael Breus:

We all have our unique routines and rhythms that help us get through our day. Maybe you exercise or take a shower right after you wake up, get dressed, get coffee, then start work. Afterward, you probably try to relax and wind down for the day before you go to bed. You may not realize it, but our bodies are the same— they follow a biological rhythm that gets us through each day called the circadian rhythm.

You probably hear a lot about your circadian rhythm and how it helps you sleep, but you may not be familiar with what it actually is or how it works. Similar to how you follow a certain schedule during the day, your circadian rhythm does as well. This internal clock helps your body wake up and function properly throughout the day before winding down for sleep each night.

Of course, there’s a lot more to your circadian rhythm than waking you up and helping you sleep— like other areas of our body, it’s possible and not uncommon for our circadian rhythms to be in disorder, which can cause problems day or night. Before we get into that though, let’s dive into what the circadian rhythm is, and why it’s important to how you function. 

What is your Circadian Rhythm?

A circadian rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that your body perpetuates, which helps your body work properly. Circadian rhythms aren’t just present in people— they exist in all types of organisms, from people to animals, and even plants and microbes. However, circadian rhythms aren’t the same thing as a biological clock— rather, biological clocks are an organism’s “natural timing devices,” which regulate the cycles of circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms are affected by one’s biological clock, and can change seasonally as the environment does, or adapt to our bodies’ needs as we age. 

Our circadian rhythms are controlled by a part of our brains called the Suprachiasmatic Nucleus (SCN). Your circadian rhythm affects a number of biological processes including your sleep-wake cycle, your immune system, as well as your physical and mental health.

Exposure to light is the most important external factor that influences a person’s circadian rhythm. In fact, prior to the invention of artificial light and electronic devices, our circadian rhythms were influenced entirely by the sun. This 24-hour cycle wakes us as the sun rises in the morning, and helps us sleep as it sets each evening. 

How Does Your Circadian Rhythm Affect Sleep?

As I mentioned above, your circadian rhythm is responsible for regulating your sleep-wake cycle. Your brain produces melatonin in the pineal gland, producing more during the morning and day, and less in the evening and night. When all is working as it should be, you should feel changing levels of alertness in the morning and day, and feel increasing levels of sleepiness as you get closer to bedtime.

However, a disrupted circadian rhythm can be responsible for sleep disruption as well, contributing to sleep disorders such as sleep deprivation, excessive daytime sleepiness, and delayed sleep phase disorder.

Your circadian rhythm is vital to getting a good night’s sleep, and a good night’s sleep is important to a healthy circadian rhythm. A circadian rhythm disorder can ruin your rest and throw off your body’s natural equilibrium in the process. Now that our systems aren’t influenced wholly by the sun, there is a much higher chance we could accidentally be disrupting our circadian rhythms and sabotaging how we function. 

What Can Cause Circadian Disruption?

In our modern world, there are a lot of things that can throw the body’s internal clock off-kilter, preventing us from reaching the restful REM sleep we require to feel our best in the morning. Factors that can create a disrupted circadian rhythm can include:

• Jet lag
• Daylight Savings Time
• Irregular sleep schedule or Changes in Sleep Pattern
• Light Exposure inhibiting melatonin production
• Shift Work Disorder

I can definitely relate to that last one. And my sleep schedule is totally disrupted on Saturdays. 

A recurring theme here is inconsistency. I’m sure we’re all familiar with how jet lag and Daylight Savings Time can throw our sense of time out of whack. The time changes we experience when we travel or when we set our clocks forward or back conflict with the schedule our internal clocks have come to know, creating disruptions in our sleep cycle.

Similarly, inconsistent sleep patterns or odd work hours can have a major impact on your circadian rhythm, keeping you awake when you want to sleep, or encouraging you to sleep when you want to wake up.

Thankfully though, there are easy lifestyle changes we can make to ensure that our circadian rhythms are working as they should year-round, and that we are getting the restful deep sleep that we need each night. 

Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Circadian Rhythm

Your circadian rhythm and your lifestyle work in tandem with each other— your circadian rhythm helps create your lifestyle, while your lifestyle influences how well your circadian rhythm functions. A healthy lifestyle contributes to a healthy circadian rhythm, so consider the following if your circadian cycle is imbalanced. 

Maintain a Regular Sleep Schedule

Consistency is key to maintaining a healthy circadian rhythm. You can adjust your circadian rhythm to fit your desired sleep-wake cycle by waking up at the same time each morning, as well as going to bed at the same time each night. If you need to nap during the day, make sure you don’t nap too close to your bedtime, or for too long— this can hinder your ability to get a full night’s rest at your proper bedtime.

I recommend falling asleep according to your chronotype’s sleep schedule. Our sleep schedules can hugely vary depending on our chronotypes, and it can be unproductive to force yourself to sleep when your body is trying to keep you awake. To identify your chronotype and find your ideal sleep schedule, check out my chronoquiz.

BTW - I'm a dolphin! 

Proper Sleep Hygiene

Combined with a regular sleep schedule, appropriate sleep hygiene can go a long way in helping with any sleep problems you may be experiencing.

Avoid consuming caffeine or alcohol too close to your bedtime. The stimulant effects of caffeine can prevent you from falling asleep, and consuming caffeine within 6 hours of bedtime can reduce your total sleep time by up to 41 minutes. Consuming alcohol cancontribute to sleep disorders, as well as cause snoring by relaxing the tissue in your throat.

Relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises, meditation, and guided imagery are also effective in helping you unwind each night before bed. I recommend the Power Down Hour, where you can finish your day’s business and get ready for bed in three twenty-minute increments. 

Be Mindful of Light Exposure

Light exposure helps start our circadian rhythms each morning, but too much light in the evening, particularly from artificial lighting or our favorite electronic devices, can contribute to circadian disruption. In fact, the blue light produced by devices like our phones, computers, and TVs can inhibit the production of melatonin in our brains, which can inhibit our ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. I recommend not using any electronic devices at least 60 but preferably 90 minutes before bed each night to give your brain enough time to produce the melatonin you need to rest.

Alternatively, bright light therapy can help treat circadian disorders by “resetting” your internal clock if it’s not working properly. This is done by exposing your eyes to intense, but safe amounts of light for usually around 20 to 30 minutes per session. 

Exercise

Regular moderate exercise is great for your body and your brain. Staying active during the day can help you sleep better at night by supporting your circadian rhythm’s function. Be careful not to exercise too close to bedtime though— that could prevent you from falling asleep on time.

I'm going to start doing a 20 minute workout. I was planning on starting this past Saturday but my back is out of whack, so hopefully in the next day or two, If you want to find out more about it and how you can win $100, check out this Facebook Live from Friday.

It can be frustrating to experience poor sleep when all you want is a good night’s rest. Lifestyle changes can definitely help with circadian disruption, but it’s important to understand when you might need to take additional action. If lifestyle changes don’t improve your sleep, it’s important to consult your doctor or a sleep expert to find another solution. To find accredited sleep facilities near you, check out this tool by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

It’s not just our sleep that our circadian rhythms have an impact on, it’s our entire body! Our internal clocks take care of us by helping us function properly each day, so it makes sense that we need to take care of it as well.

Interesting days

Today - Lemonade Day, Garden Meditation Day, Lumpy Rug Day, Two Different Colored Shoes Day and Paranormal Day

Tomorrow - Star Wars Day, 45 Day, Teacher Appreciation Day, K.I.N.D. Day, Candied Orange Peel Day, Renewal Day, Poem on Your Pillow Day, Petite And Proud Day, Asthma Day and Firefighters’ Day

 Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week

Next Monday - Mother Ocean Day, Golf Day, Stay Up All Night Night, World Lupus Day and One Day Without Shoes Day

Week long celebrations:

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

June 3 - World Bicycle Day, Chocolate Macaroon Day, Insect Repellent Awareness Day, Repeat Day and Chimborazo Day

Could Time-Blocking Replace Your To-Do List? #TBT

Today's blog post was originally published last year:

Today's blog post is based on an article on get pocket.com.

A few years ago, my to-do list was an endless source of frustration. At the end of every day, it seemed like it had more items on it than when I started. I never seemed to get it all done. 

So, in an effort to understand what was going on, I began to track how I was spending my time and saw some interesting patterns emerge. As I learned more, I started applying a productivity-changing principle to my daily “get it done” list: time-blocking. 

All that is interesting, but what is time-blocking?

Time-blocking is essentially organizing your day in a series of time slots. Instead of writing a list of tasks that take as long as they take, with a time-blocked approach, each of these time periods is devoted to a task or tasks. It immediately lets you see where you’re being unrealistic about your time and keep yourself focused on what you’re supposed to be doing. 

If I can remember that far back, The 12 Week Year featured time-blocking.

Giving every hour a job typically lets you make much more efficient use of your time, says Georgetown University professor Cal Newport, author of Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World. “This follows because it allows you to schedule work for the time where it makes the most sense—batching together small things, tackling hard things when you have the long stretches to make progress, and so on. The other advantage is that it provides you more accurate feedback on how much free time you actually have most days and how long certain recurring tasks actually take,” he says.

 Why should we time-block?

Organizing your day through time blocks instead of to-dos makes sense because of the discipline and order it applies to your tasks, says time management expert Kevin Kruse, author of 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management. Research by productivity blog I Done This found that 41% of to-do list items are never completed. In Kruse’s own research he says the high-performers he interviewed never talked about their “to-do lists,” but instead talked about their calendars and how they were organized. 

I've written about using your calendar instead of a to-do list here.

Organizing your time instead of your tasks also has psychological benefits, Kruse says. There is also a psychological reason why time-blocking makes more sense. In what is known as the Zeigarnik effect, which basically states that we remember what we haven’t done better than what we have done, and uncompleted tasks weigh on us. “This can lead to stress and insomnia. However, when we have all of our tasks placed into a specific date, time, and duration, we sleep more soundly knowing everything that needs to get done is in its place,” Kruse says. 

So, if you’re ready to give it a shot, pull out your calendar and keep these tips in mind.

• Pay Attention to Cycles
• Allot Enough Time
• Offload Distractions
• Make It Flexible

Be sure to read the article, to find out more about these tips.

Interesting days

Today -  International Dance Day, We Jump The World Day, World Wish Day and Zipper Day

Tomorrow -  Hairball Awareness Day, Honesty Day, Oatmeal Cookie Day and International Jazz Day

Week long celebrations:

Apr 25 - May 1: Go Diaper Free Week

Next Thursday - No Diet Day, Password Day, Beverage Day and No Homework Day

Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week 

May 6 - May 12: Nurse’s Week

May 29 - Biscuit Day, Paper Clip Day, Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day and Learn About Composting Day

Week long celebrations:

May 16 - May 29: Heritage Breeds Week

May 16 - May 29: Italian Beef Week

May 24 - May 30: Map Reading Week

 

I don't really have much to talk about today

I don't really have much to talk about today. I have an idea that I'm researching but it's not quite ready for prime time. 

That idea is based on a comment during the Prompting U Talks yesterday...you can check it out here.

I actually missed the first part of this, so I watched it now (2:00 AM). Well, I tried to watch it. The first person (the one I missed when it was live) was about how to be on camera, but of the three people that I watched, he was the only person that I didn't think was interesting. I may go back and finish watching but I can't see myself watching a course that features him talking!

The other two courses sound interesting, so I'll probably sign up for those since I have unlimited access to all courses for a year!

But I do need to do some more research into what Peter Anthony said, so possibly next week I'll have a blog post about "Would you rather be rich or thin?".

That's pretty much it...check out the video. You may like the first speaker but if not, hang out for the other two. You won't be disappointed.

Interesting days

Today - Superhero Day, Stop Food Waste Day, Clean Comedy Day, Pay it Forward Day, Shrimp Scampi Day, Biological Clock Day, Cubicle Day, Blueberry Pie Day, Guide Dogs Day and Workers’ Memorial Day

Tomorrow - International Dance Day, We Jump The World Day, World Wish Day and Zipper Day

Week long celebrations:

Apr 25 - May 1: Go Diaper Free Week

Next Wednesday - Nail Day, International Midwives’ Day, Hoagie Day, Revenge of the Fifth, Hug A Shed And Take A Selfie, World Maths Day, School Nurse Day and Cartoonists’ Day

Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week

May 28 - Amnesty International Day, Hamburger Day, Menstrual Hygiene Day, Brisket Day and Don’t Fry Day

Week long celebrations:

May 16 - May 29: Heritage Breeds Week

May 16 - May 29: Italian Beef Week

May 24 - May 30: Map Reading Week

 

One Man’s Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood

Today's blog post is based on a podcast from The Art of Manliness:

Several years ago, there was a tweet that went viral which said that of Jesus’ many miracles, perhaps his greatest, was having 12 close friends in his 30s.

As people say, it’s funny, because it’s true.

When my guest today came face-to-face with the anemic state of his own friendships, he set out to try to do the miraculous himself, and make friends in middle-age. His name is Billy Baker and he’s a journalist and the author of We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends. Billy and I begin our conversation with the problem of male loneliness in the modern age, and how it befell him in his own life. We then discuss how men and women do friendships differently, the way men do theirs shoulder to shoulder, what this means for what male friendships need to be built around, and why they require what he calls “velvet hooks.” Billy shares how he started his project, which experimented with different ways to recover and create connections, by rekindling his old friendships, but why that ultimately didn’t scratch the friendship itch for him. Billy then describes what did: a kind of casual fraternity for middle-aged men he started, and how it was inspired by something called the “men’s shed” movement in Australia and its philosophy that men need “somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to talk to.” We end our conversation with Billy’s takeaways for making friends in adulthood, including the need for embracing intentionality and social risk.

Here are the highlights from the program:

• Why are men so susceptible to loneliness?
• What are the health consequences of loneliness?
• Face to face versus shoulder to shoulder 
• What are “velvet hooks”?
• Why re-kindling past friendships didn’t fully scratch the friendship itch 
• Why the Men’s Shed Movement inspired Billy to make some actual friends 
• How COVID managed to strengthen friendships 
• The pressure of trying to be friends with both halves of a couple 
• What’s the actionable takeaway here for guys?

I think that's why bars are so popular with men...sitting shoulder to shoulder while participating in an activity (drinking), where laughing and joking comes fairly easily.

The last time I really made new friends that I hung out with was when I first started working at AT&T. There were several of us in the same age bracket amongst many people who were older, so we hung out quite a bit (a lot of it at bars!). 

That's also part of the reason I got started with SendOutCards...I wanted to build some new friendships. And I have in many ways, but there hasn't been the weekly type of just hanging out. That's why I do my Saturday morning trainings...we can hang out, shoulder to shoulder, and engage in the activity of learning how to grow our businesses. It's also part of the reason I joined Gold Star...except we've been meeting virtually for the last 14 months.

In the podcast, they talk about John Mulaney hosting Saturday Night Live. I found the video they were talking about...interestingly it was that weekend that we were talking about it being a Leap Year, Daylight Savings Time was starting and it was a full moon...remember that weekend? That's the power of our thoughts being manifested! (Plus the standing brooms didn't help!).

Anyway, check out the podcast and then watch John Mulaney back when we were all young and innocent!

Interesting days

Today - Morse Code Day, Tell a Story Day, World Tapir Day, Prime Rib Day and Marine Mammal Rescue Day

Tomorrow - Superhero Day, Stop Food Waste Day, Clean Comedy Day, Pay it Forward Day, Shrimp Scampi Day, Biological Clock Day, Cubicle Day, Blueberry Pie Day, Guide Dogs Day and Workers’ Memorial Day

Week long celebrations:

Apr 25 - May 1: Go Diaper Free Week

Next Tuesday - Star Wars Day, 45 Day, Teacher Appreciation Day, K.I.N.D. Day, Candied Orange Peel Day, Renewal Day, Poem on Your Pillow Day, Petite And Proud Day, Asthma Day and Firefighters’ Day

Week long celebrations:

May 3 - May 9: Lawyer Well-Being Week

May 27 - Sun Screen Day, World Product Day and Cellophane Tape Day

Week long celebrations:

May 16 - May 29: Heritage Breeds Week

May 16 - May 29: Italian Beef Week

May 24 - May 30: Map Reading Week