Random musings: Why Your First Impression Matters & How to Improve It

Today's blog post is based on a podcast from The Art of Manliness:

Whether we like it or not, first impressions matter. A good or bad first impression can mean the difference between landing the job or getting a polite rejection email; getting a first date or getting ghosted via text.

Given the stakes involved, do you know what kind of first impression you make?

My guest today is a psychologist who specializes in the science of first impressions and has written the most useful and thorough book on the topic that I’ve come across. Her name is Ann Demarais and her book is First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. Today on the show, Ann explains how quickly we make a first impression and the psychological biases that influence how people judge you (and how you judge others).

We then dig into what you should focus on during a first interaction to give a good impression and the behaviors you may think come off as neutral or positive but actually read in a negative way. For example, you may think you’re giving off a relaxed vibe during a social interaction, but others might see you as aloof. Ann explains how to find these blind spots in your self-awareness and what to do about them.

We end our conversation by going through some actionable tips to become more charismatic, like how to keep a conversation going when your first meet someone, how to show interest in someone without looking creepy, and the common mistakes men make with their first impressions. And if you happen to blow your first impression, Ann shares how to recover.

Here are the highlights from the program:

Ann’s response to the criticism “You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover”
The errors we make in our own first impressions of people
How quickly are first impressions formed?
The expressions and attributes that we think are positive, but are actually read as negative
The ways in which we can actively create a positive mood in our environment
The 4 social mindsets – 3 that derail you and 1 that leads to success
The 4 social gifts that you can give people in any interaction
How to appear more approachable and accessible
Asking open-ended vs. close-ended questions
What to talk about when you first meet someone
Why it’s okay to talk about mundane things
How much to self-disclose in conversation
Elements of a first impression that aren’t so obvious
Common mistakes that men make in their first impressions
How different situations might be helped by different approaches
Is it possible to recover from a bad first impression?