How to Fight Entitlement and Develop Gratitude in Your Kids

Since today is World Gratitude Day, this article from The Art of Manliness seems pretty timely!

According to a survey cited by psychology professor Robert Emmons, when parents were asked what they worried about most regarding their children, the majority didn’t name drugs, sex, global warming, political crisis, or the economic future.
Instead, two-thirds of parents said their primary concern about their kids, was their sense of entitlement. 

They’re right to worry. A sense of entitlement breeds a number of negative qualities: envy, resentment, selfishness, greed, petulant indignation, laziness, detachment, and a lack of resilience. 

Entitlement can be caused in part by kids being given too much, too easily — being spoiled, without having to work for their largesse. Yet everyone knows poor kids who still feel entitled, and rich ones who don’t. 

The central factor in entitlement is thus not the amount of good stuff in a child’s life, but his or her attitude toward that stuff. 

Entitlement is essentially ingratitude, and gratitude is thus its antidote. Where entitlement says, “I’m owed that,” gratitude says, “The world doesn’t owe me anything.” Where entitlement says, “I deserve this,” gratitude says, “Everything I get is a gift.” 

Whereas entitlement is the origin of many vices, gratitude, as Cicero said, is the greatest of virtues, because it is the fount of all the rest. The research-backed benefits of gratitude read like a laundry list of everything parents most desire for their children: in terms of physical health, it boosts the immune system and improves sleep; in terms of mental health, it bolsters resilience to stress and lowers depression; in terms of character, it strengthens the qualities of humility, compassion, forgiveness, and generosity, as well as feelings of closeness and connection to others. Humans who feel grateful, whether young or old, want to give back by being better people, and supporting others. In a study done by Emmons, the leading scientific expert on gratitude, he found that “kids who were more grateful than their peers at age ten were, by age fourteen, undertaking more community activities and were more socially integrated.” 

The fortunate thing about gratitude, is that it not only comes with all these benefits, it isn’t, as we often think, just a feeling — something that spontaneously happens to you. Rather, it is more like a skill, something you can intentionally practice, get better at — and develop in your children. Today we’ll take a look at how.

How to Develop Gratitude in Your Kids

Emmons defines gratitude as having two parts: “(1) affirming goodness in one’s life and (2) recognizing that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside the self.” The following methods of instilling gratitude in your kids work on both prongs of the equation.

• Prompt them to say “Please” and “Thank you.”
• Prompt them to think outside themselves.
• Expect them to write thank you notes.
• Encourage grateful contemplation.
• Do service together.
• Model grateful behavior.

Here's how you can model grateful behavior:

Spouses’ should thank each other for everything, even for the routine chores that are “expected” of them; say “Thank you for making dinner,” “Thank you for doing the dishes,” “Thank you for taking out the trash,” even when it happens every day; remember, no one inherently deserves anything; it’s all a gift. Let your kids also overhear you thanking the waiter, the cashier, the flight attendant. Let them see you writing your own thank you notes. 

Give credit and praise to others too. When celebrating a success, talk to your kids about the other people who helped make it happen: “I’m proud of this, but I couldn’t have done it without ____!” 

If you want grateful kids, watch whether you yourself approach life with an attitude of getting what you’re owed, or being delighted with what you’re gifted. As Emmons observes, gratitude “is more often caught than taught.”

Be sure to check out the article to find out more about developing gratitude in your kids.

 Interesting days

Today - World Alzheimer’s Day, Escapology Day, World Gratitude Day, International Day of Peace, Miniature Golf Day and Pecan Cookie Day

Tomorrow - Business Women’s Day, World Car Free Day, Doodle Day, White Chocolate Day, Hobbit Day, Ice Cream Cone Day, Dear Diary Day, Elephant Appreciation Day, World Rhino Day and Chainmail Day

Week long celebrations:

Sep 21 - Sep 27: International Week of Happiness at Work

Month long celebrations:

Sep 15 - Oct 15: Hispanic Heritage Month

Next Monday - Drink Beer Day, International Poke Day, Strawberry Cream Pie Day, Family Day, Good Neighbor Day and World Rabies Day

Month long celebrations:

September 15 - October 15: Hispanic Heritage Month

October 21 - Apple Day, Count Your Buttons Day, Global Dignity Day, Reptile Awareness Day and Hagfish Day

Week long celebrations:

Oct 19 - Oct 25: Healthcare Foodservice Workers Week