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Talking to new people can lead to making new connections and learning interesting things, and simply makes both you and the person you talk with happier. Yet many of us have a very difficult time striking up a conversation with strangers. Why is this?
My guest today has done studies to find out. Her name is Gillian Sandstrom and she’s a professor of social psychology at the University of Essex. Gillian’s research has explored both why people have such a hard time talking to strangers, and why it’s beneficial to do so. Today we dig into common barriers to talking to new people, including the “liking gap,” where we believe people find us less interesting than they do. We then talk discuss the benefits of talking to strangers (which go for both introverts and extroverts), and Gillian’s best tips for getting better at it.This is actually pretty timely, since it's been two years since I set out to meet 265 people in 265 days (or whatever the number was at the time). I actually made it to 43 people before I gave up but I'm actually still friends with some of them.
I did listen to the podcast, but I didn't look at the additional resources at the end of the page. It looks like there's some pretty interesting stuff there.Show Highlights
- Why are people uncomfortable talking with strangers?
- Do different cultures/places/situations have different norms towards talking with strangers?
- The role of introversion vs extraversion in making small talk
- The “liking” gap
- What’s really happening when a conversation goes poorly?
- Why to keep giving random conversations a try, even if most are merely okay
- The benefits of small talk
- So how do you get started in this endeavor of talking with strangers?
- The power of compliments
- On following your own curiosity
And from Contact Mapping we have:
Why is it difficult to strike up a conversation? Looking around any ride on public transport, line at the register, or school pick-up makes it clear that we spend much of our time around others simply coexisting, choosing not to speak to others.
Where to begin? The formula to start a good conversation is pretty simple. What’s everybody’s favorite topic? Themselves!
Take a minute to observe. What can you learn from the other person’s appearance, demeanor, or personal belongings? Look for something that you can tell is an intentional statement about their identity and then ask about that. A simple, "tell me about ..." or "I really like..." can break the ice, followed by questions that reflect that you are truly listening to what the other person is saying.
Before you know it, you have hit a topic that is important to them and they feel heard by you. Through continuing your genuine interest in another individual’s passion you have created a bond that is more than small-talk.
I'm going to be talking more about Contact Mapping tomorrow.If you sense a real connection, your challenge is to take the conversation to a place where it is appropriate and natural to create a future touchpoint. Asking for someone's phone number is sometimes logical, but this can be a bold ask the first time you meet someone. Think about asking to connect with them on social media as a lower risk way to create the ongoing connection. Or, you may find that there is another person in your network who could help your new friend - asking to get their details to make an introduction can be a great way to serve others and create an ongoing relationship.
So, it looks like it's time for me to meet some new people. Who wants to join me?
Interesting days
Today - Honesty Day, International Jazz Day and Oatmeal Cookie Day
May will be Hamburger Month, Deck Safety Month, Bike Month, Lyme Disease Awareness Month, Get Caught Reading Month, Photo Month, Barbecue Month, Asian Pacific Heritage Month, Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month, Golf Month, Lupus Awareness Month and Military Appreciation Month
Tomorrow - Golf Day, World Stationery Day, Lei Day, School Principals’ Day, New Home Owners Day, Mother Goose Day, Executive Coaching Day, Global Love Day, School Bus Drivers Day, International Workers’ Day and Purebred Dog Day
Week long celebrations:
Apr 28 - May 4: Go Diaper Free WeekNext Tuesday - Roast Leg of Lamb Day, Cosmopolitan Day, World Asthma Day and Poem on Your Pillow Day
May 30 - Loomis Day, Water a Flower Day and Mint Julep Day
May 31 - No Tobacco Day, Macaroon Day, Web Designer Day and Save Your Hearing Day
